Dowries For Dionysus is an on going story Livingroom Johnston has been publishing through CONTRAST magazine. CONTRAST is a Hawaii based magazine. You can check them out here: http://www.contrastmagazine.com/
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Dowries For Dionysus
By: Livingroom Johnston
Paul was an ordinary awkward guy in every sense. He was awkwardly tall. When he walked it looked as if he would fall flat on his face. As any serious drinker would, Paul got himself into a rut of depression. He had a desk job shoving paper back and forth in an office where he, and everyone on their chairs in their cubicles, farted and worked their asses off with tense shoulders and weight problems. Paul didn’t have a problem with his weight. He was thin. What he did have a problem with was his life. His parents, Annie and Damey died in a fire when he was 20. Paul was 30. Dead parents left him with
even less to live for. He had no intention of committing suicide because he was taught he would go to hell if he ever decided to do so. And did it. That was all he remembered being taught by Annie and Damey. He was there to feed, clothe and keep a roof over his
head, in their eyes. They barely talked to him as a child. That’s what schools were for. To teach kids what they needed to know to carry on as adults when it was time for them to move on. Paul inherited an antisocial personality from Annie and Damey. Paul was
also color-blind. Anny and Damey never paid enough attention to him to know. Not that they would have done anything about it. Paul’s escape was drinking and his imagination. Drinking is a killer to most. But to him it would lead to a life changing experience. Unlike anything anyone could imagine in reality. At the moment Paul was living his mundane life with no direction. Whenever it would end it would. So long as it wasn’t painful he was all right with it.
Five days a week Paul would exit the Clinton and Washington train station in Brooklyn, walk down the hill, get a pint of whiskey, and go home, where he would change into the
same black tee-shirt and black jeans he had been changing into for the last decade. Then he would go to the bar and drink until around 10 p.m. then go home and eat noodles, puke, sleep and start over the next day.
On Friday, Paul pushed paper into a bin on his desk and farted. He worked in a cubicle in a large office space in Mid-Town Manhattan. There were a shitload of other miserable motherfuckers who lived for no more than he did and worked there as well. And farting. The office smelled like a shit hole.No one seemed to notice because they were
immune to it. Paul swiveled around on the chair. He glanced at the other cubicles. At the photographs and posters and no smoking signs. Nothing was different. All was the same.
Al walked his huge gut over to Paul’s cubicle. He was 5’6” and went unnoticed by most people. “What do you say we get a drink when we get off Paul?”
“No thanks. I’m going home. I got a pint waiting for me”, said Paul.
“Come on guy. What do you have to lose? The pint can wait for you,” Al rationalized, “Plus, there’s a new bar on the corner by the subway on 36th street. They have a new beer on tap. And it’s cheap. Two for one and they’re only two bucks. You
can’t beat that!”
“Al… why are you asking me?”
“Because it’s been years since we sat down and had a beer. And I don’t want to drink alone. And I know you spend practically all of your free time alone! You need a change
of pace sometimes, buddy.”.
“Makes sense. I’ll come with you”. Paul said, “But I’m not your buddy. I’m your co-
worker”.
“Whatever the fuck you are lets get the hell out of here and have a few beers!”
Paul took a rubber band and an open paper clip and slung shot it across the office. Bob shouted through the cubicles, the same thing he had been shouting for the last decade when the incident occurred, “Paul stop shooting paper clips in the office you friggin’ scum bag!” Paul ignored him and followed Al out into the hallway.
He glanced at his watch. The elevator door opened at exactly seven minutes after five and the same people who would be on it everyday were on it. Two guys in suits and a woman. She knew Paul would steal glances at her breasts so she worked her buttons down and exposed her cleavage right before the elevator reached the fifth floor. She was in her fifties. Paul didn’t give a shit how old she was. He wanted to fuck her. Hard and fast. And, hopefully things would turn out in a way where he found himself on top and working her over.
Al and Paul entered into the bar and got on stools and got drinks and got some more and some more and talked about Pandera. She was the boss lady at the job. She would comearound and shout at everyone to get their shit together or get shipped out. No one had been fired since Paul had been with the company. Still, everyone bitched about Pandera, who happened to walk in the bar with the woman from the elevator Paul stole booby glances from. Pandera and her were friends.
“There’s that chick”, said Al.
“What chick?’
“The one you have the hots for Paul. Who are you kidding?”
“Dude, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Whatever you say man”, Al said. He hailed the bartender over and asked what the women were drinking and stated their next round was on Paul.
“Nice one”, Paul said, “Spend my money and embarrass me while you’re at it. You’ve knocked out two birds with one stone!”
“Its not that bad buddy. Have some excitement for a change! When’s the last time you got laid?”
Paul wasn’t pleased with Al’s words. “That’s really none of your business Al!”
“Awe, Get over it dude! See! Look!” Al pointed at the two women.
The barkeep had delivered the drinks and message. The woman from the elevator was looking in their direction. Pandera pretended it never happened. She sat and gloated over her drink in her own head. “Dude”, said Al. He patted Paul on the back. “She’s looking at you man! Go over and make some conversation”.
“Naw I can’t!” Paul said, “she’s with Pandera”.
“Man, fuck Pandera! We’re not in the god damn office! She’s got nothing on us out in the real world, dude!”
“I don’t know what to say Al”.” Paul aimed his nose at his beer.
“Just go over and say hi. That’s all you have to do”.
Paul didn’t have the balls to do it. He didn’t have the balls to do a mother fucking thing. One of the reasons he had gotten his ass kicked a multitude of times from when he was a kid all they way up to being a young adult.
Al went over and said something to her. She got up and walked over and sat beside Paul.
“Hi Paul. Word around town is that you’re a little shy?” She said.
“Is that so?” Paul quipped. He glared at Al who had put his hands up, as if he was being
accosted.
“My name is Regina,” she extended her hand.
“Paul”, he shook Regina’s hand. Her perfume smelled good. Paul’s dick got hard. He felt ashamed of himself. He excused himself and rubbed one out in the restroom. It calmed
his nerves. It had also become a habit. At times Paul would rub one out and not even realize he did it, when his intention would be to take a quick whiz. Regina waited for him
to return. Al had covered the next round and was gone.
“Okay”, said Paul, nervously, “where were we?”
“You were about to tell me your story Paul”, Regina smiled.
TWO
Paul sat uncomfortably and watched Regina drink the rest of her drink. “What were you drinking?” He asked, hesitantly.
“I have a better idea Paul,” said Regina, smiling. He got another chunky. He was nervous and wanted things to go over smoothly. However they went. Whichever way they went. Regina ordered a couple shots of whiskey. Then a couple more when they put those down. Paul got up to excuse himself again. Regina took his hand and squeezed it. “You need to loosen up Paul. Seriously”.
“Why’s that?” His vision blurred a bit. The whiskey settled into his system. Regina looked dashingly good. Her curly red hair came to life. She looked like what’s her name in the movie with the hooker turned good girl.
“I can see the tension on your face. You look like you need a release. Heck you probably work, pay bills and drink all the time huh?”
“How’d you know?”
“Because that’s what most people around here do”.
“There’s a lot of people around here Regina…’
“Yeah, I’m making an assumption about the people. But then again! That’s what I mean! You need to loosen up! You take things to literal!”
Paul came out of his shell. “Are you single?”
“Yeah…” The bartender came over and asked if they wanted anything else. “No thanks. We’re good”, said Regina. She stood up. “Paul lets take a walk when I come back from the ladies room. It stinks in here. There’s another place I like to stop by on Friday nights”.
“Sure! Why not?!” Paul shouted. He didn’t feel like he needed to loosen up at all. He felt rather loose, at the moment. He watched Regina’s sexy walk toward the ladies room. Through sober eyes it would have been a rash stumble.
Paul had another beer while Regina took her time in the toilet. She walked out as he took the last gulp. “What’d you do get another beer?”
“No. That was the last of the one I already had”.
“Good”, said Regina, “off we go!” They exited the bar, walked to the curb and Regina hailed a yellow cab. She directed the driver to a hundred and third Street and Broadway. Paul sat back and thought about his neighbors. The Puerto Rican family that lived in the building next door with the children. They were nice people but loud as shit. As any family with six children would be. “Say Regina… have you ever moved into a different apartment because of loud neighbors?”
“Um.. no… not because of loud neighbors. I had a boyfriend that was a know-it-all. He was a real asshole. He wanted to be a musician but he’s a bartender. Still works at the same bar for the last ten years. Initially I thought it was because he was young. Younger than me I mean”.
“How old are you?” Paul asked coyly.
“Forty-nine”, said Regina, flatly.
Paul had assumed Regina was in her fifties but he left it at that. “So what happened with the guy?”
“Anyway, forget about him. What’s going on with your neighbors? They annoy you?”
“Yeah. Seems like they never take their children anywhere. They have a small backyard. It’s covered with cement. And their voices echo off the fucking walls. It drives me nuts. Especially on the weekends. They start at eight a.m. And go on all damn day and night”.
The cab rolled up in front of a bar. Regina insisted she cover the meter. “I’ll get us drinks”, Paul said. They walked in. Al and Pandera were at the bar talking and laughing with several other people. Regina led the way. “Hey guys! And Gal! “Paullllll… this is Andy, Kennedy and Jerry. And I’m assuming you already know these two!” She giggled. Paul waved hi to the three guys. Then at Pandera and Al. The other three guys were flamboyantly gay. And louder than his neighbors. Evidently they were drunks and inhabited the bar often. The bartender came over. She looked like she and Kennedy could have been brother and sister. Regina ordered a mixed drink and a beer for Paul. He took a twenty from his wallet and placed it on the bar. Al got up and came over to where Paul sat. He sat beside Paul. His gut leaned against Paul’s knee. Paul backed up with the stool. “Hey chummy! So you found me out huh?”
“What?”
“You found me out!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Paul inquired.
“Pandera and I have been hitting the sack for a few years now. AND NOW ‘YOU’ KNOW!”
“So what Al. What’s that got to do with me?”
Al smirked, “Kelly!” She walked over and asked what she could get him. “Kelly this is my good friend Paul! We’re co-workers. Let us have a couple shots of whiskey. Doesn’t matter what kind! Paul’s in for a huge surprise!” She walked off and poured the drinks. “You’ll see!” Al said. He raised the glass and drank the fluid. Paul didn’t raise his glass he just drank it.
Regina took him by his elbow and whispered into his ear. “I have to get something from upstairs. Come with me”. They walked two blocks down and made a right into a building with a doorman who said hi. They ignored him. Paul didn’t think twice about it. Regina pressed the penthouse button. The elevator opened to a large apartment with a walkout deck. There was a white leather el shaped wrap couch in front of the glass doors which led to the deck. Regina pointed at it. “You can sit right there Paul”. She got two bordeau glasses out of the kitchen cabinet, poured two glasses of red wine then came over and handed one to Paul. “Come on”. She led him out to the roof deck. “I’ll bet you think I invited you up here to fuck you, huh honey?”
Paul was baffled by the question. He had hoped she invited him up to give him some tail. But something seemed balanced. He felt a buzz inside of his chest, as if a weight had been lifted. Regina rested her back against the gold trimmed railing.
THREE
Regina and Paul were still out on the roof deck of her penthouse apartment. She gazed out over the Hudson river. “Do you like my apartment Paul?”
“Yes. It’s very nice”, he answered.
“I knew you would. Do me a favor! Grab that bottle of wine from the kitchen counter. We have some work to do!”
“I can’t reach it”, Paul said. And we’re not at work. He looked at his surroundings, baffled by her statement.
“Then walk into the kitchen and get it!” she said.
“Sure”, he walked with a bit more of an awkward gait than he naturally did, looking down at his feet as they paddled him across the floor. When he grabbed the bottle of wine he twisted off the cork and drank about a half glass’ worth. He thought about making the first move. Or some slick way of talking Regina out of her clothes. She held out her glass for him to pour when he returned. He poured. She walked to the other end of the deck where she could see him from head to toe. He poured himself a glass.
“Paul…”
“Yeah?”
“Lemme see your dick!”
“What?!” His eyes resembled those of a dear in headlights.
“You heard me! I said let me see your dick!” Regina wasn’t smiling.
“You’re kidding me right?” He put his index finger and thumb on his zipper handle.
“Um…. No! Do I look like I’m kidding? I see the way you look at me on the elevator leaving the office building five days a week. You want to see my tits… so… why not show me your dick while you have the chance… Paul?!”
He thought back to when he was a child in the fifth grade. The bullies who would entice him to knock sticks from their shoulders. He knew he would receive blows to his head for knocking the sticks off but he would do it anyhow. The zipper came down and he pulled it out. “There… there’s my dick! Are you happy now?!”
Regina burst out laughing. Her face was as red as the wine in the glass in her hand.
He put it away faster than he had taken it out. “What’s so fucking funny?!”
“You’re a pussy!” Regina said, “It’s not even hard! What if I wanted to suck on it? Or fuck you for that matter? You’re such a pussy! Get the fuck outta my house before I call the cops!”
Paul stormed into her apartment toward the front door. His heart danced with his intestines. He was so taken aback he didn’t set the glass of wine down. Regina ran in and caught him by the elbow. He gave a ‘Kanye shrug’, twisted the tumbler on the door. “Relax man! What the fuck! You pussy!”
“RELAX?! YOU JUST TOLD ME TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! AND STOP CALLING ME A PUSSY!”
“Um… then stop acting like one?” She pulled him toward the couch. He followed her lead. “Relax man. Take a joke!” She put her ass on the couch and unzipped him. He sipped the wine as she moved her head about his lap like the upper portion of a pigeon walking. “That feel good Paul?”
“Um… hmmm…. Yeah baby…. Just like that….”
At the bar around the corner and up the street Al had stated Paul was in for a surprise. Paul thought about the statement. He thought his getting laid was the surprise and was sincerely grateful. As Regina worked on him he counted the blessing, moaning and grunting.
Regina got up and pushed him down on the couch.
“You like it rough huh baby?” Paul asked.
“Yeah! Just as rough as you do!”
He noticed a bulge in her pants as she stood in front of him. ‘FUCK NO!’ He thought. ‘THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! NOOO WAY!” But it was happening. Kind of…
Regina raised the ankle length skirt just up to where Paul could see the head of a male sex organ. He jumped and fell over the couch onto his back. “FUCK! YOU’RE A DUDE! YOU’RE A GODDAMNED DUDE! SHIT!”
Regina chased him around the couch three loops, until he ran to the front door and yanked to no avail. “SEE PAUL! I TOLD YOU-YOU WERE A FUCKING PUSSY!”
He yanked at the locked door. Regina sipped her wine and took a set of keys from the coffee table, holding up a single key. “Um… locks from the inside buddy. Ahahahahaahaha!”
“DON’T COME NEAR ME I’LL, I’LL!”
“You’ll what?” she laughed, “You’ll hit me in my own apartment and you can’t even get the door open?”
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEHEHEEHEEE? MOMMMMMMY!” He fell to his knees at an upright fetal position against the door, clasping his hands together. “PLEEEEEEEEAAAAASE!”
“Please what? Please fuck you?”
“BY GOD NOOOOO! I JUST WANT TO GO HOOOOOME!”
“SNAP OUT OF IT FUCKER!” Regina commanded.
“What?” he answered through the tears.
Regina lifted the skirt and unfastened the strap on and slid her legs through the loopholes. Paul didn’t know what to do. She held up the skirt and pulled her thong aside. “LOOK MOTHER FUCKER! I HAVE A PUSSY! I’M A WOMAN! 100% WOMAN!” She threw the rubber member at him then approached him. It bounced off his head.
She held her skirt up in front of him. Her thong pulled to the side. “What’s that right there mister?”
“It’s a pussy!” He was still sobbing, “It’s a pussssssy!”
“Yeah… a pussy… JUST LIKE YOU!”
A neighbor rang the doorbell. “IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT IN THERE? WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CALL THE POLICE?!”
“Get up!” Paul got to his feet.
“HERE! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR PAUL!” Regina handed him the key. He nervously jammed it in the lock and twisted. Then twisted the doorknob. Regina took hold of his wrist. He looked at her, embarrassed. “Breath honey…. Breath…” She said.
The neighbor knocked again. “HELLO IN THERE? WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CALL THE POLICE?”
Regina looked through the peephole, still with Paul’s wrist in her hand holding the key in the door. “You ready?” She asked him. “Sure”.
“Okay now open it”.
AL pushed in past Paul with his hands waving in the air. “SURPIIIIIIIIIIIISE!”
Al was accompanied by Pandera, the three guys from the bar, Andy, Kennedy and Jerry; who walked straight to and into the kitchen with a white cardboard box. Pandera hugged and kissed Regina on the lips and handed her a small wrapped gift, “Happy birthday honey bee! Look at you all grown up now!” Pandera glanced at the floor, “What’s with the strap on?”
“Oh nothing. It was a practical Joke,” said Regina, looking at Paul, who was now on his feet. She winked at him. He did his best to dry the tears from his face with his shirtsleeve. He cracked a fake smile.
Kennedy, Andy and Jerry came from the kitchen with a birthday cake, a bottle of whiskey and enough glasses to go around. Al was at the ipod stereo set up. He turned on 50 CENT’S ‘In da Club’ song. Regina thanked them and blew out the candles, while they all chanted ‘GO… GO… GO’. Shoulders moved up and down, asses went from side to side. The party just started.
Regina grabbed paul hard by his elboy and whispered threateningly into his ear, “Don’t you leave you pussy! You got me?” He nodded his head yes.
FOUR
Paul went into the bathroom to get himself together. He cupped his hands with water and spread it over his face a few times. Regina was out in the living room with Al, Pandera and their friends Andy, Kennedy and Jerry. He wanted to walk out. Right out the front door, and rid himself of another uncomfortable situation. Instead he stood examining the bathroom. The walls were a mustard color lined with pinkish tiles. The toilet had a string like fur cover. It was pink just like the tiles covering the floor and the rug in front of the tub. The sad part was Paul was color blind and couldn’t tell how tacky the joint was. He stared at himself in the mirror disgusted. The dancing had ceased on the other side of the door. The drunk shouting continued though. Pail didn’t zero in on what they were discussing.
Everyone in the apartment set off with a:”Woooo”, in a song like manner. Even Al from in the bathroom. “Whatever”, said Regina, waving her hand, “come on over here Paul. He met her command. He still had the whiskey bottle in his hand. He over poured himself a good one, flopped down beside Regina, then put the bottle on the coffee table. Regina poured another herself. Everyone else did the same.
“Me an Pannie fucked! As a matter of fact, we’ve been fucking!” Al’s muffled voice could be heard low in the bathroom. He was on the toilet.
